Talk? More like confession

"The bishop didn't assign us topics for our talks today, so I decided to choose my own. The topic I chose is the law of chastity. It is something that I have struggled with a lot recently and so I think it would be helpful if I share my experience and let you know some of the boundaries and things that you shouldn't do . . . . . . . Do not listen to inappropriate music. Like the black rapper stuff. Do not type in any dirty words in google search or click on any of the images after doing the search. This is pornography. I have learned my lesson one too many times from doing that. Do not be alone with girls at night. And do not participate in necking or petting. It is terrible to be caught up in. I know. Also do not watch inappropriate movies that show nudity even if you think they are funny. And last, do not try to cover any of this stuff up. It doesn't work. And you will get caught."

This happened today. And though this isn't verbatim, it is pretty close to what happened during my sacrament meeting.

Why couldn't you have chosen a different topic brother?

Say faith. Or charity. Maybe tithing? Missionary work could have sufficed. Or even the word of wisdom.

Better yet, why couldn't you have left out the personal experiences?

Those just made us unrighteously judge you. And they happen to be the things that we will remember every time we see you.

Both of these questions were not only asked by me, but by dozens of other ward members at both ward functions today: mingle and ward prayer. They couldn't help but talk about how uncomfortable it was to sit through. Sorry brother. I feel bad for you. Really I do. I know how hard it is to make friends in a new ward. I hope we can all forget. But it seems unlikely. Live and learn.

Here's to hoping the bishop assigns topics from now on.