Swine Flu is the New Snow Day

assuming that all of you that read this blog are up-to-date with your news stories, it should be no surprise at all that the topic of discussion on CNN and FoxNews (which obama consistently cat fights with and calls "fake news"), is of the H1N1 virus, or what i like to call EL SWINE. everyday the reporters and health officials give updates on what is happening in the public health world and what is being done to prevent, control and treat this growing pandemic. for the past six months i have watched the news with what the scriptures like to call "real intent" and done my general research as a concerned citizen, so that i may stay informed of this newly declared national emergency. however, all this information seems to have done me no good, because i, the cleanest most ocd individual many of you know, have contracted EL SWINE. i know right? how is that possible? i'm not even sure. i guess i was just curious to see what all this hoopla was about, and went out searching for it.

well it obviously doesn't hide very well, because i found it without much effort.

since it is sunday and because i am feeling especially spiritual, i feel it is appropriate to testify to each of you of the truths i have learned since i contracted the virus some days ago. i know without a shadow of a doubt that the swine flu does exist and does in fact affect us all; whether we are righteous priesthood holders, virtuous young women, temple-worthy saints, ocd students or middle class tithe-payers. it is everywhere and is no respecter of persons. it is miserable and since becoming a host, i have learned many things from my trial.

1. normal headaches, you know the ones that you get from staying up all night reading your scriptures, are hardly headaches at all.

2. taking numerous ibprofen is a great alternative to oxcodone, vicodin, or lortab. they treat your pain without the addiction, and are much more economical. we are still in a recession you know.

3. remember the titans, jeopardy, glee and the food network are all shows that will boost your spirit and give you something to talk about with your home teachers.

4. popsicles, combined with sincere prayer, soothe the throat better than most lozenges or cough drops.

5. the doctrine and covenants doctrine early to bed and early to rise is 100% true. especially when you go to bed at 9 and don't wake up til 10 the next morning.

6. the word contagious does not only mean transmittable by kissing. it also includes breathing the same air as someone, holding hands, and sharing the same straw with a significant other while on a date.

7. missing school and work is only fun if you are with someone, not quarantined to a bed or couch.

8. swine flu is now the main reason for canceling school. gone are the days of cancellations due to mountains of snow and icy roads. swine flu has become the new snow day. sorry kids.

this trial has taught me so many unexpected things. never in all the years since the earth has been created, did i think that i would be just another statistic in the world of epidemiology that the news addresses every morning. as a public health major at a premier university, i thought i knew everything about EL SWINE. that is until i found it in an unexpected place.

i guess it is true what they say so many times from the pulpit... "you never really know anything until you have experienced it."