California - You Can't Afford It

Two weeks later, I am finally posting about my trip to Los Angeles.

The last five or so times that I have been to California, I have made it a point to stay away from L.A. as much as possible. Not because I have a deep hatred toward the place, but because the majority of my friends I have made have a deep hatred toward the place. And since I am usually visiting them in their Orange County and San Diego County homes, I have avoided the 'big city' all together.

I was excited to know that E. Fornelli chose to get married in the not-so-popular Los Angeles Temple. Since the other temple has been built, I can almost assume that all the lds hipster and scene kids have been trekking 25 minutes to get married in the Newport Beach just so they can brag that "I got married in Newport . . . you know Orange County?!" If there is one thing I can't stand about BYU kids, it is their uncanny ability to throw in their Southern California lifestyle any chance they can get. From the pulpit. In the classroom. Or on the bumper stickers on the back of their luxury sedans. The sad part about it is they are usually all living off of dad's money, rocking deep v-necks, aviators, and shaved arms. They have no sense of the real world and it's sad to think that Provo is saturated with them.



Fornelli, my first mission companion is the farthest you can get from that uppity scene without turning into a homeless person. He has had a hard life. Real hard. And he decided - even at the age of 25 - that he would serve a mission. That takes some courage. And a bunch of faith. We always joked that he was one of the oldest friends I had. I learned a lot from him during the eleven weeks that we were in the MTC, and now that I look back on this weekend . . . I know that it was necessary that Chase, Mike, Adrienne, and I went to support him.

The first half of the ride down consisted of Chase sunbathing in the backseat, Mike studying for the LSAT and me listening to mexican music, and yes there is a difference between spanish and mexican. Four hours in we stopped for gas, ate 14 dollars worth of taco bell and told story after story of every missionary and area we knew. I would say 95% of them ended in either a laugh or a mock accent similar to those who are just learning to speak english. Thanks to Mike's iphone, we were able to facebook stalk every girl that each of us have either dated/or kissed since returning home from Mexico. It took hours. Not because of the amount, but because of (1) AT&T's terrible phone service and (2) because we had to hear the story behind each and every girl. If there had been a loser, it would have been Chase. He was practically engaged his entire mission and got married to Kari right after he got home - thus his list consisted of one person.





Getting into L.A. that night was just like entering Mexico. Everything was dirty and smoggy; with graffiti, mexican signs, and homeless people all over. Our hotel, aptly named La Quinta, had security not only in the parking lot, but in the main lobby and around the breakfast area in the morning. Sketchy.





We ate dinner that night at T.G.I.Fridays. Apparently the one named after Magic Johnson. Again, it was full of security guards and we were the only white people in the place. When we walked in, all the drunken gang members looked up with looks of disgust on their faces. It may not have helped that it was midnight. Our waitress was LuLu. Yes, LuLu. She was the epitome of an aspiring entertainer in Los Angeles. She moved here after having a tough childhood in Africa and random places throughout the U.S.

She just knew that she was destined to become a star, so she moved out west and as she put it . . . "is now an actress, model, producer, director, poet, dancer, singer, and waitress."
To which I responded, "so I guess that you could say you're kind of like Tom Hanks. He does a lot of those things."
Silence.
"Or like Julia Roberts."
More silence.
"Or like Beyonce."
"Oooh ya. I'm like Beyonce. She is so talented."

I guess she didn't want to be associated with a man or a beautiful white woman. Good thing I said Beyonce on the third try. Who knows what would have happened if I had said Mariah Carey.

We stayed out late that night, and were regretting it the next morning when we had to be at the temple. It was just a couple exits up on the freeway, and so our mexican hotel just happened to be convenient. I was surprised at the sheer size and location of the temple. It is right on Santa Monica Boulevard, just down the road from Beverly Hills.

We met Adrienne inside the waiting room and tried our hardest to keep the talking to a minimum. However, she is one of the loudest and outgoing people I know, so needless to say; we were hushed a few times from the little old ladies dressed in white.













The sealing was really great. Aren't they all though? There is just something about them that always seems to bring happiness to everyone there - not just the couple. We took a few pictures, but didn't stay to wait for the wedding party. We were starving. The four of us piled into my car and headed down to Hollywood to eat. We debated for a half an hour as we drove, and finally settled on Mel's Drive-In. Right on Sunset Boulevard below the Hollywood sign. They valeted the car and served us some pretty average diner food.









We walked across the street to go to H&M and spent an hour watching Adrienne debate purchasing a $12 scarf. I almost gave in and told her I would just buy it if it meant that we could go. Some of the weirdest people I have met in my entire life just happened to be shopping at that particular store; and in the line for the dressing room, I learned way more about a woman's personal life than I had ever possibly imagined. California is full of crazies.

We drove around the Beverly Hills looking for Britney Spears or anyone else remotely famous - without any success - before we dropped Adrienne back off at the temple and headed to Santa Monica Pier.

Lulu had recommended that we go here later in the evening for some 'glow festival,' but we opted to go before the reception and before we had to drop Mike off at the airport (he had to be back sunday so he bought a one-way ticket home). Rich kids!

The pier was a definite highlight of the day. I hadn't ever been to that beach, and even though Chase repeatedly begged us to go to Manhattan Beach, Mike and I were set on the recommendation from Lulu.



The Beach Boys, Sheryl Crow and Everclear weren't messing around when they wrote songs about this place. It is beautiful. The sidewalks, mall, beach and pier were insanely crowded. Mostly with hipsters. Soon to be lung-cancer patients. Teenagers. Crazies. And Katy Perry look-a-likes, who apparently think it's ok to wear bikini tops and daisy dukes everywhere.





We didn't ride the ferris wheel or swim. But we did pay $10 to park for two hours, change clothes in the middle of a parking lot, and get verbally assaulted by a homeless man outside of Nordstrom. Overall, a pretty successful couple of hours.

Finding the LAX airport wasn't a problem. But finding our way back to Hollywood and Glendale where the reception was proved to be a huge obstacle. I blame the two hours we spent driving on Chase. He blames it on me. Either way, we got lost. Really lost. Trying to find the retched suburb of Glendale. You would think that with the technology of our GPS phones and our intelligence, that we would find it very fast. Well it wasn't the case. And by the time we showed up to the reception, we vowed that we would never return to L.A. Ever.







We were finally able to sit and talk with Fornelli, which if I remember, was the main reason we came to California. We met his wife, who he just happened to share the gospel with, baptize and marry. All within two years! They served Mexican tacos, which was no surprise considering she is Hispanic and he served in Mexico. It was pure heaven - aside from the unedited Shaggy, Nelly and Snoop Dogg songs played at the reception. Seriously, who does that?

We got great directions before leaving, and called Adrienne to see if we could come hang out in Huntington Beach. She was staying with her best friend, and they let us stay with them for the night. It was late and dark by the time we arrived, but we were able to walk around downtown, walk the pier (which once again was full of crazies), and watch Jersey Shore. Which just happens to be the show I watch whenever I am on a road trip.



The weekend ended as Chase and I made the ten hour trip home Sunday, only stopping twice for gas and more tacos. I think we ate a combined total of 30 during our three days. My body hasn't been the same since.

On the ride home, I decided to write down all of Chase's one liners from the weekend. He is known for them.

Thus, I present to you the top 24 + 1 from Adrienne.

#25 - It looks like this car could be a transformer.

#24 - We just hit a sheep! We just hit a sheep that ran into the middle of the road.

#23 - Hey son, it looks like you got too much sun.

#22 - Look. That lady is dancing with a sword on her head. You don't see that everyday.

#21 - I'm sure glad that guy is gone. I thought he was going to pull a gun out of the cup he was holding.

#20 - How many security guards have you seen outside a restaurant in Utah?

#19 - This isn't a club. It's a restaurant. But music is playing, so you know black people are dancing.

#18 - French toast sticks as a nice addition to my meal? Hey lady . . . this is my meal!

#17 - My body is looking pretty good right now. It's like I have an a cup.

#16 - She has the same color eyes as I do, so she's hot.

#15 - LuLu, Billie Jean is calling. He wants his hair cut back.

#14 - Dude, that guy is going to jump in your car. Do not roll your window down.

#13 - Everytime I pay for you, I am getting cash back and bonus points. Now just let me pay.

#12 - I hate you right now. Do not put smoke in me.

#11 - The terrorist lady is following us. She keeps speeding up and pointing her finger.

#10 - Lulu, you're so busy with all your entertaining. When do you find time for yourself?

#9 - You better have something trendy to wear.

#8 - I am 100% positive they will serve Mexican food at the reception. 100%.

#7 - Mmmmm. I just took a bite of nothing.

#6 - Is that a midget? What is that?

#5 - Can I just ask a cop to stand by the car the whole night?

#4 - What's that little kid doing with a hooker. Oh wait, that's his mom.

#3 - Don't go into the mens room right now. Either we all go or no one goes.

#2 - Michael Jackson. He was great in Free Willey.

#1 - 9/11 was the reason I went on a mission. To baptize the terrorists. (Adrienne)

Gracias Los Angeles!

See you never.