Quotables 3

I've said it before and I will say it again. My friends, roommates and co-workers are some of the funniest/wittiest people I know.

Read the following quotes and decide for yourself...



anna - "i need to tie a rock to your shoe in case you are translated."
me - "it better be a big one."

me - "do you think elder holland practices his talk in front of the mirror."
kimbre - "no. you can't practice the spirit."

cole - "how do you succeed in an interview."
sadie - "well i'm just like really charismatic and walk in all hot and confident."
cole - "i can probably do that."

jillian - "i used to sell drugs in high school."
kirk - "what? what does that even mean?"
jillian - "well, i wasn't like a drug dealer, i just sold them to my friends."
kirk - "that's a drug dealer. you are a drug dealer."
jillian - "no i'm not. i sold diet pills, not drugs."
kirk - "same thing. you are a drug dealer."
jillian - "well i can get you some pills that will make you fall asleep and not remember anything."
kirk - "what? cocaine? no thanks."

me - "i have a website for you."
sarah - "nice. what is it? sotrendy.com?"

ben - "did you bring a whole brick of cheese to work?"
me - "yes, it's my lunch."

angelique - "i hate cougarettes in concert. i have to take a loritab before i go."

kimbre - "if you don't stop, i will throw you off the balcony."
me - "do it. i'll just have the tow truck pick me up when he comes to get your car."

victor - "i could live at six flags."
me - "well i don't know about that. the food there is pretty expensive."

anna - "remember when i bought a jonas gossip magazine in french? and spent the whole chunnel ride translating it."
me - "there's no way that happened."
anna - "wrong. it did. for hours."

stephen - "i think i know that girl in the red coat."
me - "no, she just looks like every other blonde girl you've dated at byu."

caitlin - "i look like a boy with crap in my mouth. and by crap, i mean food. i don't really have crap in my mouth."

me - "here is the picture of captain planet and the planeteers."
marlee - "which one am i?"
cami - "well garrett is clearly the white kid."
john - "and cami is the asian."
kimbre - "and i am the black one."
marlee - "well i'm not any of them. they need to put a mocha girl on there to represent coffee. then i can be her."

billy - "i could probably beat one of those up."
kimbre - "just because you're hot, doesn't mean you could beat up a komodo dragon."

me - "justin, i bought you this cereal."
john - "no he didn't. justin, you bought it for us."
marlee - "well either way can i have some more of that cereal garrett thinks he bought for justin?"

nicole - "i'm eating my animal crackers in pairs since it's the sabbath."
me - "noah would be so proud."
nicole - "i'm honoring him today. maybe i'll take a drink of water after each bite too, making it more realistic."
me - "except the animals and water didn't mix. unless you're talking about the sinful animals he didn't take."
nicole - "i'm rewriting history."

me - "remember how i know all the words to mmmbop?"
sadie - "remember how there are only two words?"

victor - "are you doing that on purpose?"
jillian - "what?"
victor - "using a monotone voice."
jillian - "what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
victor - "no like your voice, are you doing that on purpose?"
jillian - "um, are you listening in on my call?"
victor - "i could just hear you."
jillian - "well that's freakin creepy."

anna - "i can't wait to read your blog post."
me - "it's going to be so long no one will finish it."
anna - "they are going to have to make cliff notes for it.

me - "do you think you can fall in love with someone even if you have never met or lived in the same city?"
stephen - "yes. ldssingles proves it."
me - "i need to get me one of those profiles."

me - "i am entering this young adult blog competition."
sarah - "what do you win, a temple recommend?"
me - "i wish. mine is about to expire."

me - "one time i threw up blood on my mission i was so righteous."
nicole - "you were like toooo into the work."

anna - "i need your address."
me - "ok, hopefully you send yourself."
anna - "i am, i'll be in a box."
me - "best present ever."

me - "let's go in."
kimbre - "we can't yet."
me - "why?"
kimbre - "because we're like the white-trash friends. you can't stop sweating and my feet smell. we both smell like chicken bake."
me - "ya, maybe we should wait."

billy - "are you talking to anna?"
me - "yes, why?"
billy - "because you are ignoring us and smiling as you type."

kimbre - "you're going to get struck down and i'm not going to have a ride home, so stop."

jillan - "i am mormon til the day i die. and even after."
me - "well ya, that's what mormonism is."

stephen - "my work offered me a full time job today and they told me that i have to tuck my shirt in everyday because i'll be a grown up."
me - "good thing you already do."

me - "i felt like i was in a relationship with the jonas brothers. just gonna throw that out there."
anna - "it's like jonas-lygamy."
me - "whatever it was, i didn't like the competition."

stephen- "it doesn't matter if she's dating someone, even if there's a ring on her finger. not until she is in the temple, wearing garments, kneeling on the altar is she spoken for."

ben - "garrett you are lucky you have friends."
me - "i don't work because i need the money, i work because i need the friends."

anna - "i looked like a boy today. i don't know what happened."
me - "i doubt it. you have long hair and are cute."
anna - "well some boys look like that. jesus did."

cami - "i'm going to a bbq."
marlee - "outside?"
cami - "well it's a bbq, but it's inside."
marlee - "so you're going to a dinner?"

billy - "don't be bummed garrett."
me - "it's ok."
billy - "we can just look at some more pictures of you to cheer you up."

nicole - "this girl is from a novel no one wants to read.
me - "well i read it for six months."

sadie - "if you close your eyes you can hear the music better."
me - "right, take that from the girl who is leading the youtube video."

me - "can i borrow some monies?"
stephen - "i don't have any, all mine are spent in pillows underneath my bed."

jillian - "i'd rather take a bath with my father."

me - "thanks for the gatorade. you probably put coffee in it."
john - "it's not coffee."
me - "well whatever it is, i want more of it."
john - "it's drugs."
me - "no it's not. this isn't mexico."

me - "well let's eventually get home."
nicole - "well duh, i want to get married."

me "it's weird that i actually will see you in vegas."
anna - "it's not like i died garrett."
me - "i know anna, unless you are really in the spirit world typing right now.
anna - "yea, they have great wi-fi here. i knew heaven would not be heaven if they didn't have it."

kimbre - "i'm sure there are tankinis in the middle kingdom and stuff."


SO STALKERS... Which one is your favorite?